| TOUCHSTONE
|
Come apace, good Audrey: I
will fetch up your
goats, Audrey. And how, Audrey? am I the man yet?
doth my simple feature content you? |
| AUDREY
|
Your features! Lord
warrant us! what features! |
| TOUCHSTONE
|
I am here with thee and
thy goats, as the most
capricious poet, honest Ovid, was among the Goths. |
| JAQUES
|
[Aside] O knowledge
ill-inhabited, worse than Jove
in a thatched house! |
| TOUCHSTONE
|
When a man's verses cannot
be understood, nor a
man's good wit seconded with the forward child
Understanding, it strikes a man more dead than a
great reckoning in a little room. Truly, I would
the gods had made thee poetical. |
| AUDREY
|
I do not know what
'poetical' is: is it honest in
deed and word? is it a true thing? |
| TOUCHSTONE
|
No, truly; for the truest
poetry is the most
feigning; and lovers are given to poetry, and what
they swear in poetry may be said as lovers they do feign. |
| AUDREY
|
Do you wish then that the
gods had made me poetical? |
| TOUCHSTONE
|
I do, truly; for thou
swearest to me thou art
honest: now, if thou wert a poet, I might have some
hope thou didst feign. |
| AUDREY
|
Would you not have me
honest? |
| TOUCHSTONE
|
No, truly, unless thou
wert hard-favoured; for
honesty coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar. |
| JAQUES
|
[Aside] A material fool!
|
| AUDREY
|
Well, I am not fair; and
therefore I pray the gods
make me honest. |
| TOUCHSTONE
|
Truly, and to cast away
honesty upon a foul slut
were to put good meat into an unclean dish. |
| AUDREY
|
I am not a slut, though I
thank the gods I am foul. |
| TOUCHSTONE
|
Well, praised be the gods
for thy foulness!
sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as it may
be, I will marry thee, and to that end I have been
with Sir Oliver Martext, the vicar of the next
village, who hath promised to meet me in this place
of the forest and to couple us. |
| JAQUES
|
[Aside] I would fain see
this meeting. |
| AUDREY
|
Well, the gods give us
joy! |
| TOUCHSTONE
|
Amen. A man may, if he
were of a fearful heart,
stagger in this attempt; for here we have no temple
but the wood, no assembly but horn-beasts. But what
though? Courage! As horns are odious, they are
necessary. It is said, 'many a man knows no end of
his goods:' right; many a man has good horns, and
knows no end of them. Well, that is the dowry of
his wife; 'tis none of his own getting. Horns?
Even so. Poor men alone? No, no; the noblest deer
hath them as huge as the rascal. Is the single man
therefore blessed? No: as a walled town is more
worthier than a village, so is the forehead of a
married man more honourable than the bare brow of a
bachelor; and by how much defence is better than no
skill, by so much is a horn more precious than to
want. Here comes Sir Oliver. |
| |
[Enter SIR OLIVER MARTEXT]
|
| |
Sir Oliver Martext, you
are well met: will you
dispatch us here under this tree, or shall we go
with you to your chapel? |
| SIR OLIVER
MARTEXT |
Is there none here to give
the woman? |
| TOUCHSTONE
|
I will not take her on
gift of any man. |
| SIR OLIVER
MARTEXT |
Truly, she must be given,
or the marriage is not lawful. |
| JAQUES
|
[Advancing] |
| |
Proceed, proceed I'll give
her. |
| TOUCHSTONE
|
Good even, good Master
What-ye-call't: how do you,
sir? You are very well met: God 'ild you for your
last company: I am very glad to see you: even a
toy in hand here, sir: nay, pray be covered. |
| JAQUES
|
Will you be married,
motley? |
| TOUCHSTONE
|
As the ox hath his bow,
sir, the horse his curb and
the falcon her bells, so man hath his desires; and
as pigeons bill, so wedlock would be nibbling. |
| JAQUES
|
And will you, being a man
of your breeding, be
married under a bush like a beggar? Get you to
church, and have a good priest that can tell you
what marriage is: this fellow will but join you
together as they join wainscot; then one of you will
prove a shrunk panel and, like green timber, warp, warp. |
| TOUCHSTONE
|
[Aside] I am not in the
mind but I were better to be
married of him than of another: for he is not like
to marry me well; and not being well married, it
will be a good excuse for me hereafter to leave my wife. |
| JAQUES
|
Go thou with me, and let
me counsel thee. |
| TOUCHSTONE
|
'Come, sweet Audrey:
We must be married, or we must live in bawdry.
Farewell, good Master Oliver: not,--
O sweet Oliver,
O brave Oliver,
Leave me not behind thee: but,--
Wind away,
Begone, I say,
I will not to wedding with thee. |
| |
[Exeunt JAQUES, TOUCHSTONE
and AUDREY] |
| SIR OLIVER
MARTEXT |
'Tis no matter: ne'er a
fantastical knave of them
all shall flout me out of my calling. |
| |
[Exit] |
