Act I, Scene 2 The same.
Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE
Enter FALSTAFF, Host, BARDOLPH,
|FALSTAFF||Mine host of the Garter!|
|Host||What says my bully-rook? speak scholarly and wisely.|
|FALSTAFF||Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my
|Host||Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot.|
|FALSTAFF||I sit at ten pounds a week.|
|Host||Thou'rt an emperor, Caesar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I
will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall
tap: said I well, bully Hector?
|FALSTAFF||Do so, good mine host.|
|Host||I have spoke; let him follow.|
|Let me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word; follow.|
|FALSTAFF||Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade:
an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered
serving-man a fresh tapster. Go; adieu.
|BARDOLPH||It is a life that I have desired: I will thrive.|
|PISTOL||O base Hungarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield?|
|NYM||He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited?|
|FALSTAFF||I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox: his
thefts were too open; his filching was like an
unskilful singer; he kept not time.
|NYM||The good humour is to steal at a minute's rest.|
|PISTOL||'Convey,' the wise it call. 'Steal!' foh! a fico
for the phrase!
|FALSTAFF||Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.|
|PISTOL||Why, then, let kibes ensue.|
|FALSTAFF||There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift.|
|PISTOL||Young ravens must have food.|
|FALSTAFF||Which of you know Ford of this town?|
|PISTOL||I ken the wight: he is of substance good.|
|FALSTAFF||My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.|
|PISTOL||Two yards, and more.|
|FALSTAFF||No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two
yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about
thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's
wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses,
she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I
can construe the action of her familiar style; and
the hardest voice of her behavior, to be Englished
rightly, is, 'I am Sir John Falstaff's.'
|PISTOL||He hath studied her will, and translated her will,
out of honesty into English.
|NYM||The anchor is deep: will that humour pass?|
|FALSTAFF||Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her
husband's purse: he hath a legion of angels.
|PISTOL||As many devils entertain; and 'To her, boy,' say I.|
|NYM||The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels.|
|FALSTAFF||I have writ me here a letter to her: and here
another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good
eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious
oeillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my
foot, sometimes my portly belly.
|PISTOL||Then did the sun on dunghill shine.|
|NYM||I thank thee for that humour.|
|FALSTAFF||O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a
greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did
seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here's
another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she
is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will
be cheater to them both, and they shall be
exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West
Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou
this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to
Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.
|PISTOL||Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!
|NYM||I will run no base humour: here, take the
humour-letter: I will keep the havior of reputation.
|FALSTAFF||[To ROBIN] Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly;
Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.
Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go;
Trudge, plod away o' the hoof; seek shelter, pack!
Falstaff will learn the humour of the age,
French thrift, you rogues; myself and skirted page.
|[Exeunt FALSTAFF and ROBIN]|
|PISTOL||Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds,
And high and low beguiles the rich and poor:
Tester I'll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,
Base Phrygian Turk!
|NYM||I have operations which be humours of revenge.|
|PISTOL||Wilt thou revenge?|
|NYM||By welkin and her star!|
|PISTOL||With wit or steel?|
|NYM||With both the humours, I:
I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.
|PISTOL||And I to Ford shall eke unfold
How Falstaff, varlet vile,
His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
And his soft couch defile.
|NYM||My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to
deal with poison; I will possess him with
yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous:
that is my true humour.
|PISTOL||Thou art the Mars of malecontents: I second thee; troop on.|
To see other scenes in the show:
|Full Text||Act III, Scene 4 A room in Page's house.|
|Act I, Scene 1 Windsor before Page's house.||Act III, Scene 5 A room in the Garter Inn.|
|Act I, Scene 2 The Same./Act I, Scene 3 A room in the Garter Inn.||Act IV, Scene 1 A street.|
|Act I, Scene 4 A room in Dr. Caius' house.||Act IV, Scene 2 A room in Ford's house.|
|Act II, Scene 1 Before Page's house.||Act IV, Scene 3 A room in the Garter Inn./Act IV, Scene 4 A room in Ford's house.|
|Act II, Scene 2 A room in the Garter Inn.||Act IV, Scene 5 A room in the Garter Inn.|
|Act II, Scene 3 A field near Windsor.||Act IV, Scene 6 Another room in the Garter Inn|
|Act III, Scene 1 A field near Frogmore.||Act V, Scene 1 A room in the Garter Inn./Act V, Scene 2 Windsor Park/Act V, Scene 3 A street leading to the Park|
|Act III, Scene 2 A street.||Act V, Scene 4 Windsor Park/Act V, Scene 5 Another Part of the Park|
|Act III, Scene 3 A room in Ford's house.|
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