Act III Scene 1 A field near Frogmore.


SIR HUGH EVANS I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man,
and friend Simple by your name, which way have you
looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?
SIMPLE Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every
way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town
SIR HUGH EVANS I most fehemently desire you you will also look that
SIMPLE I will, sir.
SIR HUGH EVANS 'Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and
trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have
deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog
his urinals about his knave's costard when I have
good opportunities for the ork. 'Pless my soul!
  To shallow rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sings madrigals;
There will we make our peds of roses,
And a thousand fragrant posies.
To shallow--
  Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.
  Melodious birds sing madrigals--
When as I sat in Pabylon--
And a thousand vagram posies.
To shallow &c.
  [Re-enter SIMPLE]
SIMPLE Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.
SIR HUGH EVANS He's welcome.
  To shallow rivers, to whose falls-
Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?
SIMPLE No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master
Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over
the stile, this way.
SIR HUGH EVANS Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.
SHALLOW How now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh.
Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student
from his book, and it is wonderful.
SLENDER [Aside] Ah, sweet Anne Page!
PAGE 'Save you, good Sir Hugh!
SIR HUGH EVANS 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!
SHALLOW What, the sword and the word! do you study them
both, master parson?
PAGE And youthful still! in your doublet and hose this
raw rheumatic day!
SIR HUGH EVANS There is reasons and causes for it.
PAGE We are come to you to do a good office, master parson.
SIR HUGH EVANS Fery well: what is it?
PAGE Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike
having received wrong by some person, is at most
odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you
SHALLOW I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never
heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so
wide of his own respect.
SIR HUGH EVANS What is he?
PAGE I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the
renowned French physician.
SIR HUGH EVANS Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as
lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
SIR HUGH EVANS He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,
--and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you
would desires to be acquainted withal.
PAGE I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.
SHALLOW [Aside] O sweet Anne Page!
SHALLOW It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder:
here comes Doctor Caius.
  [Enter Host, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY]
PAGE Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.
SHALLOW So do you, good master doctor.
Host Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep
their limbs whole and hack our English.
DOCTOR CAIUS I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.
Vherefore vill you not meet-a me?
SIR HUGH EVANS [Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you, use your patience:
in good time.
DOCTOR CAIUS By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.
SIR HUGH EVANS [Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you let us not be
laughing-stocks to other men's humours; I desire you
in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends.
  I will knog your urinals about your knave's cockscomb
for missing your meetings and appointments.
DOCTOR CAIUS Diable! Jack Rugby,--mine host de Jarteer,--have I
not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place
I did appoint?
SIR HUGH EVANS As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the
place appointed: I'll be judgement by mine host of
the Garter.
Host Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,
soul-curer and body-curer!
DOCTOR CAIUS Ay, dat is very good; excellent.
Host Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I
politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I
lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the
motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir
Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the
no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me
thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have
deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong
places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are
whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay
their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;
follow, follow, follow.
SHALLOW Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.
SLENDER [Aside] O sweet Anne Page!
  [Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host]
DOCTOR CAIUS Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of
us, ha, ha?
SIR HUGH EVANS This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I
desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog
our prains together to be revenge on this same
scall, scurvy cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
DOCTOR CAIUS By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me
where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.
SIR HUGH EVANS Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow.


To see other scenes in the show:

Full Text Act III, Scene 4 A room in Page's house.
Act I, Scene 1 Windsor before Page's house. Act III, Scene 5 A room in the Garter Inn.
Act I, Scene 2 The Same./Act I, Scene 3 A room in the Garter Inn. Act IV, Scene 1 A street.
Act I, Scene 4 A room in Dr. Caius' house. Act IV, Scene 2 A room in Ford's house.
Act II, Scene 1 Before Page's house. Act IV, Scene 3 A room in the Garter Inn./Act IV, Scene 4 A room in Ford's house.
Act II, Scene 2 A room in the Garter Inn. Act IV, Scene 5 A room in the Garter Inn.
Act II, Scene 3 A field near Windsor. Act IV, Scene 6 Another room in the Garter Inn
Act III, Scene 1 A field near Frogmore. Act V, Scene 1 A room in the Garter Inn./Act V, Scene 2 Windsor Park/Act V, Scene 3 A street leading to the Park
Act III, Scene 2 A street. Act V, Scene 4 Windsor Park/Act V, Scene 5 Another Part of the Park
Act III, Scene 3 A room in Ford's house.


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