Act V, Scene 1

Home Upcoming Shows HSC Venues Past Productions Articles HSC Programs Shakespeare Library Actor Resources About Us/Contact Us Site Map Links

 

 

 

Act V, Scene 1 The Grecian camp. Before Achilles' tent.

Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS

 

ACHILLES I'll heat his blood with Greekish wine to-night,
Which with my scimitar I'll cool to-morrow.
Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.
PATROCLUS Here comes Thersites.
  [Enter THERSITES]
ACHILLES How now, thou core of envy!
Thou crusty batch of nature, what's the news?
THERSITES Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and idol
of idiot worshippers, here's a letter for thee.
ACHILLES From whence, fragment?
THERSITES Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.
PATROCLUS Who keeps the tent now?
THERSITES The surgeon's box, or the patient's wound.
PATROCLUS Well said, adversity! and what need these tricks?
THERSITES Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk:
thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet.
PATROCLUS Male varlet, you rogue! what's that?
THERSITES Why, his masculine whore. Now, the rotten diseases
of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs,
loads o' gravel i' the back, lethargies, cold
palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing
lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas,
limekilns i' the palm, incurable bone-ache, and the
rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take
again such preposterous discoveries!
PATROCLUS Why thou damnable box of envy, thou, what meanest
thou to curse thus?
THERSITES Do I curse thee?
PATROCLUS Why no, you ruinous butt, you whoreson
indistinguishable cur, no.
THERSITES No! why art thou then exasperate, thou idle
immaterial skein of sleave-silk, thou green sarcenet
flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal's
purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered
with such waterflies, diminutives of nature!
PATROCLUS Out, gall!
THERSITES Finch-egg!
ACHILLES My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
From my great purpose in to-morrow's battle.
Here is a letter from Queen Hecuba,
A token from her daughter, my fair love,
Both taxing me and gaging me to keep
An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it:
Fall Greeks; fail fame; honour or go or stay;
My major vow lies here, this I'll obey.
Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent:
This night in banqueting must all be spent.
Away, Patroclus!
  [Exeunt ACHILLES and PATROCLUS]
THERSITES With too much blood and too little brain, these two
may run mad; but, if with too much brain and too
little blood they do, I'll be a curer of madmen.
Here's Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough and one
that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as
earwax: and the goodly transformation of Jupiter
there, his brother, the bull,--the primitive statue,
and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty
shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's
leg,--to what form but that he is, should wit larded
with malice and malice forced with wit turn him to?
To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to
an ox, were nothing; he is both ox and ass. To be a
dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an
owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would
not care; but to be Menelaus, I would conspire
against destiny. Ask me not, what I would be, if I
were not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse
of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus! Hey-day!
spirits and fires!
  [Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES,
NESTOR, MENELAUS, and DIOMEDES, with lights]
AGAMEMNON We go wrong, we go wrong.
AJAX No, yonder 'tis;
There, where we see the lights.
HECTOR I trouble you.
AJAX No, not a whit.
ULYSSES Here comes himself to guide you.
  [Re-enter ACHILLES]
ACHILLES Welcome, brave Hector; welcome, princes all.
AGAMEMNON So now, fair prince of Troy, I bid good night.
Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.
HECTOR Thanks and good night to the Greeks' general.
MENELAUS Good night, my lord.
HECTOR Good night, sweet lord Menelaus.
THERSITES Sweet draught: 'sweet' quoth 'a! sweet sink,
sweet sewer.
ACHILLES Good night and welcome, both at once, to those
That go or tarry.
AGAMEMNON Good night.
  [Exeunt AGAMEMNON and MENELAUS]
ACHILLES Old Nestor tarries; and you too, Diomed,
Keep Hector company an hour or two.
DIOMEDES I cannot, lord; I have important business,
The tide whereof is now. Good night, great Hector.
HECTOR Give me your hand.
ULYSSES [Aside to TROILUS] Follow his torch; he goes to
Calchas' tent:
I'll keep you company.
TROILUS Sweet sir, you honour me.
HECTOR And so, good night.
  [Exit DIOMEDES; ULYSSES and TROILUS following]
ACHILLES Come, come, enter my tent.
  [Exeunt ACHILLES, HECTOR, AJAX, and NESTOR]
THERSITES That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most
unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers
than I will a serpent when he hisses: he will spend
his mouth, and promise, like Brabbler the hound:
but when he performs, astronomers foretell it; it
is prodigious, there will come some change; the sun
borrows of the moon, when Diomed keeps his
word. I will rather leave to see Hector, than
not to dog him: they say he keeps a Trojan
drab, and uses the traitor Calchas' tent: I'll
after. Nothing but lechery! all incontinent varlets!
  [Exit]

 

To see other scenes from the show:

Full Text Act IV, Scene 1 A street.
Act I, Scene 1 Troy. Before Priam's palace. Act IV, Scene 2 Court of Pandarus' house
Act I, Scene 2 The same. A street. Act IV, Scene 3 Street before Pandarus' house./Act IV, Scene 4 Pandarus' house.
Act I, Scene 3 The Grecian Camp. Before Agamemnon's tent. Act IV, Scene 5 The Grecian camp.
Act II, Scene 1 A part of the Grecian camp. Act V, Scene 1 Before Achilles' tent.
Act II, Scene 2 A room in Priam's palace. Act V, Scene 2 Before Calchas' tent.
Act II, Scene 3 Before Achilles' tent. Act V, Scene 3 Before Priam's tent.
Act III, Scene 1 Priam's palace Act V, Scene 4 Plains between Troy and the Grecian camp./Act V, Scene 5 Another part of the plains.
Act III, Scene 2 Pandarus' orchard. Act V, Scene 6 Another part of the plains./Act V, Scene 7 Another part of the plains./Act V, Scene 8 Another part of the plains.
Act III, Scene 3 Before Achilles' tent. Act V, Scene 9 Another part of the plains./Act V, Scene 10 Another part of the plains.

 

To view other Troilus and Cressida sections:

Main Play Page     Play Text     Scene by Scene Synopsis      Character Directory     Commentary  

 

To view the other Plays click below:

By  Comedies    Histories    Romances    Tragedies

All's Well the Ends Well Antony & Cleopatra As You Like It Cardenio Comedy of Errors Coriolanus
Cymbeline Edward III Hamlet Henry IV, Part 1 Henry IV, Part 2 Henry V
Henry VI, Part 1 Henry VI, Part 2 Henry VI, Part 3 Henry VIII Julius Caesar King John
King Lear Love's Labours Lost Love's Labours Wonne Macbeth Measure for Measure Merchant of Venice
The Merry Wives of Windsor A Mid Summer Night's Dream  Much Ado About Nothing Othello Pericles Richard II
Richard III Romeo & Juliet Sir Thomas More Taming of the Shrew The Tempest Timon of Athens
Titus Andronicus Troilus & Cressida Twelfth Night Two Gentlemen of Verona The Two Noble Kinsman The Winter's Tale

 

To view other Shakespeare Library sections:

Biography     Plays     Poems     Sonnets     Theaters     Shake Links

 
Send mail to jciccarelli@hudsonshakespeare.org with questions or comments about this web site.
[Home]  [Upcoming Shows]  [HSC Venues]  [Past Productions]  [Articles] [HSC Programs]
 [Shakespeare Library] [Actor Resources]   [Contact Us]  [Links]  [Site Map]